As I watched my daughter run into school without a backwards glance a pang of sadness hit me. Where was the lingering cuddle, the hundreds of waves, the need for encouragement to go in... Overnight she seemed to have turned into a confident little girl finally able to take on the daunting task of the playground. So surely after a year and half of tears, tantrums and battles to get her into school I would be over the moon about this but in reality I was hit with a feeling of rejection and sadness. One I need to get over !
You spend your child's life waiting for them to achieve the next step of independence, to be able to do the next little bit by themselves. But there comes a point when you notice maybe they don't need you so much any more. It is a selfish feeling, a where do I fit into life feeling but all the same a powerful one. One thing I know for sure is a need to make sure that these feelings don't clip her wings, don't encourage her not to move forwards which is why this next stage in her life I need to be the person she needs me to be and develop a new closeness. A closeness not built on practical reliance but on a more grown up understanding of life, of love and shared experiences, of acceptance and wanting to see he grow and develop her own ideas, thoughts and opinions.
I was very wrong this morning. She doesn't need me any less she just needs me in a different way.
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