I spent the day yesterday with 400-500 other people all seeking the possible answers and solutions to something that has personally and socially been such a huge part of my life. A constant struggle with mental health and faith and where they fit together and how they can help and hurt each other. As I have walked the narrow path of living with an illness but trying to discover and fully engage with a faith that has grown so strong the two have often seemed impossible to share my head and heart space.
The bible asks me to be joyful , my illness asks me not to
The bible asks me to be trusting and honest with who i am, my illness asks me not to
Christ accepts me as I am, my illness won't let me accept me as I am
Christ has a plan and a purpose just for me, my illness trys to stop me fulfilling this
Christ loves me for me, my illness makes me want to be anyone but me
oh the list goes on....
So did yesterday help? Well yes in many ways. But most importantly to hear other people saying that the way forwards is not fixing, that its ok to live on with an illness and in faith that one is not a sign of a lack of the other. That really we should be encouraging and helping people to be well in their illness. That to me made the most amazing sense. That true health in terms of faith is a right relationship with God, whether or not you have a medical illness. If only someone had said that to me so many years ago and I hadn't had to completely destroy myself and be put back together with God's help over many years to come to that conclusion. I just pray now that I and others that were there yesterday might be able to support others through that journey and walk with them; not with the condescending and judging faces I met but with the open arms of a Christ who heals from within, sometimes without taking the illness away.
To be in the moment with someone who is experiencing things that are distressing, confusing and often numbing, to try and see the muddled world they see is an awesome blessing and I just hope that more our church encourages and embraces this.
Church is an amazing place, it offers an intergenerational experience a group of people who meet and share journeys and burdens, a weekly chance to internally reflect and gain teaching, a real relationship with an all accepting and loving saviour. So why does our church often seem so unauthentic, so cold. How can we provide a church that is right for 'people like me...' when we can't provide a church for people already in it. When there is an atmosphere we feel the need to come with a mask they that can't be right. Jesus asked us to come like little children, they come to church with their hearts on their sleeves, they don't hold back in what they want to say, in their worship, in their acceptance. Marion Carson yesterday spoke of Attitudes then Awareness then Actions, the way forwards excites me because I know how very many people's lives would be validated and fulfilled just by being fully loved and fully accepted and they could be them, the beautiful them that God had created, with all they have to offer.
To be a burden and to bear one another's burdens are part of what we are as people - John Watt.
We are all going to be a burden at some point, whether as a child, an older person or inbetween but do you know what that's ok, that's just part of life's journey.
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